I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
