Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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