But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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