Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
