I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize