And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
