Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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