Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
