What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
