If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
