there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
