i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
