The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
