how can u be prego again
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
