You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
