my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
