dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
