Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I looked at my own cervix.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
