is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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