We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
