I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
