A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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