we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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