but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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