halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
