just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
