all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And then my night got REAL pukey
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
