six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
