Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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