he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
