I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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