Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize