She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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