I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
