We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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