Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize