just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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