The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
