So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
