He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
