May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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