It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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