Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize