I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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