This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
