i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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