hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
