ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
