I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
