i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
