if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
