I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
