you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize