and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
