Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
