the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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