i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
