Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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