Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it's great music for shaving your balls
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
