O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize